The 3 Best Ways EVER to Get Followers

We all love followers, right? There is no better feeling than waking up and seeing a new follower or two on GFC (still my personal favorite) or BlogLovin (meh). Or perhaps you sit at work all day refreshing your screen every 5 minutes and wait for your followers to grow...
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Nonetheless, we all want grand blogs with stellar content that keeps everyone coming back for more. 

I have been a "lifestyle" Blogger for approximately 8 months now, therefore I know everything there is to know. 

Do you want more followers? Execute these 3 simple ideas:

1) Sell your soul.
Listen, Blogging is all about having the most beautiful pictures and showing off your amazingly clean house and your huba-roo who loves you more than life, worships the ground you walk on, and  feeds you breakfast in bed while rubbing your feet. Not to mention Jim Bob who is your 4 year old son and is currently training for the Olympics after piano, violin, and guitar lessons and currently reads on a 12th grade level. Don't forget the cheese pizza recipe that is only 12 calories a slice and will cause you to drop 45 pounds overnight. 

That is what we want to see. 

Do not write about your actual life, problems you have, obstacles you face, ideas, thoughts - none of that. Just give us the pictures and tell us how great your life is. That is what matters. 

2) It's all about the name brand
Like, ew. Who would not NOT wear designers? In order to post the above beautiful pictures that are a must on your blog, you have to have the props. Do you have a small house or apartment? List it tonight. Get out of there STAT. You need a big, extravagant house. Where else can you stage your amazing pictures? No one wants to see that skinny cheese pizza on a non granite counter. Furthermore, your clothes. You need to spend hours looking at fashion bloggers so you know what's in style. Don't forget your jewelry - Kate Spade all. the. way. A $128.00 bubble necklace is the one way to go, lady. If you don't have the cash for it, just take out another credit card. It's that easy. Then on your Erin Condren planner, make sure you pencil in (no, don't use a pencil, I'm sure there is a $45 pen on the market that is totes amaze) a daily Starbucks trip. Lastly, don't you dare post a picture with a bag less than a Coach. If you do not have money for those items, go in debt. Who cares? It's just a measly credit score.
Once you have all of this, you can then proceed with your amazing pictures. 

3) Don't pay your mortgage; host a giveaway instead.
Truthfully, your house will be OK without paying the mortgage for just one month. For example; if your mortgage is around $1,000 - imagine the giveaway you could host! Give away a Louis Vuttion bag, a laptop, or use all of that money towards a Starbucks giftcard - all of your followers could order as many mocha frap chocolate vanilla swirl latte's with nonfat creamer, skinny mint syrup, a dash of of Splenda with a hint of sugar, and a drop of lite cool whip on top as they want!

 Give something GREAT then your blog will be worth following. 

Giving away a Mercedes would be even better...

but lets not be outrageous here. 

**What fun is life if you can't laugh at yourself. I have Coach bags, Erin planners are cute, Starbucks is OK, I have grantite counter tops, and it would be so amazing if there truly was a pizza that was only 12 calories a slice. If you took any of this literal, please do not come back to my spot.  


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