Growing up, I was not a beauty queen. I was nowhere near it. And I didn't care. I wanted all of my clothes to be 10 sizes too big because I had boobs and a big butt at an early age and I loathed it. I did not understand. All of my friends were skinny stick figures, so why the heck did I have boobies and a big butt?
I remember one of my best friends telling everyone that I was wearing a bra when we were second grade. It broke my heart.
Don't hate me because I am beautiful, people.
Therefore in school, I wasn't THAT popular. You know how school is, if you're beautiful, you're popular... or a slut... but mostly popular. I was kind of popular because people heard I had a swimming pool, four-wheelers, and my mom would always pick me up from school in different and cool cars (my ex step-father owns a dealership), so I had a lot of different types of friends. There were the girls and boys who were abnormally pretty (Come on we are 12, how are you so pretty?). There were your gothic kids, artsy ones, super smart, and everything in between.
The "popular" kids would talk to me sometimes, but every time I hung out in their "groups", I just did not feel right. It was the "thing to do" to go to high school football games on Friday nights to walk around, and we would all meet up. On Saturday night we would all meet up at the local movie theater, things like that.
Those guys talked about designer clothes, so much GOSSIP, their new "toys", who was "going out with who", the latest gadget, and things like that. Now that I can look back it, it just seemed everyone was constantly trying to "one up each other". It was total "Keeping up with the Jones'", the teenage years. I remember sitting there with them and not saying a word. I was merely hanging out with them for the street cred. In my head I couldn't wait to get home to go through the mud holes with my four-wheeler, watch "Forensic Files" with my mom, dance to Britney Spears and give my stuffed animals a concert, read Marvel comics, pretend I was a Detective in the woods looking for bad guys, and trade my Pokemon cards.
Life happened and we all grew up and turned into teens and adults. I discovered healthy eating, exercise, how to style my hair, how to put on makeup, and how to take care of myself. Thus I became a much different person... on the outside.
As I changed, I suppose I started to attract different people. My friends who were not keen on looks and did not care about them, started not to like me as much. Thus I started getting to know people form the gym, being out, just putting myself out there by being social. In 2010, when I moved from my small farm town to the big ole city, I met 10 times as many people. Most of them came from the gym I was apart of, then friends of their friends, and things like that.
Most of the people I have met since living here are gorgeous. Killer bodies, killer looks, killer educations, killer jobs, and enjoy the finer things in life. I am all for that - I love that too, but not as much as I thought. There are times when I would be out with everyone at a club, nice restaurant, and listening to their conversations and I would just think "I so do not belong with these people".
The other night, I was out to dinner with two of my coworkers. They are so awesome. One is a woman in her late 40's and a single mom, she also claims she has "medium" abilities. The other is an Accountant who is half Japanese and in his mid-30's. They have just become such good friends of mine. And the woman made a comment at dinner about how odd we all 3 looked having dinner together - just kind of a "melting pot" of friends. And I thought to myself, that is so true. But I connect with them on such a deeper level that a lot of other people I have met. My other good friend at work is a REALLY skinny, married, Italian man from New York. He is our IT guy, but I just love him to death. And everyone thinks it is so weird that he and I are such good friends. It is strictly platonic (trust me), but I just connect with these guys.
I just realize that looks truly do not mean anything when it comes down to the root of your heart and soul. I know that is like a huge newsflash for everyone. I may have the big hair, full on makeup, love fashion and jewelry, but it simply does not define me. I can be easily stereotyped and that's OK. Because I am blonde, does not mean I am stupid. Because I love to wear makeup, does not mean I am fake. Because people think I sometimes look like a "porn star" (I threw up a little) just does not mean anything.
Sidenote: Aren't stereotypes fantastic.
I'm really weird sometimes and I still feel like an outcast around "beautiful" and "affluent" people and its' OK.
I am fine with my Friday night consisting of reading books about different serial killers and the motives behind their behaviors (abnormal psychology junkie here), I would pick going on a ghost hunt (or anything paranormal) over an evening of luxury, I would pick an action packed Marvel comic movie over "Twlight" or "The Hunger Games", I would much rather spend the day hiking a mountain than being a spa, I have never had a manicure in my entire life, hosting a game night at my place sounds more fun than a nightclub, and I will always befriend a person regardless of how they look. It annoys me when people look at you crazy because you are friends with someone who they do not think you should be friends with. I'm actually dealing with that now. Ugh. Adults.
I am still that "ugly duckling" (by society and media standards) outcast, with a dash of total "weirdo" and that is totally OK with me.
I will leave you with this awesome Jessie J song lyric: Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars. Seeing is deceiving.
I hope this blog entry made sense.
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